Today’s soundtrack is a gift from the guy who inspired this post, thanks for introducing me to such a stunning song. Shame you didn’t turn out so great. You know who you are.
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – Dead In The Water
As part of my New Year’s Resolutions I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t go back to any of the pre-2018 guys in my life. Instead I have thrown myself in to a confident and high energy push towards finally going on some decent dates with some fresh new men. And you know what? Surprising almost every single one of my friends, I’ve only gone and stuck with it, I’ve not looked backwards (ok there may have been one tiny hiccup) and no matter how much I wanted to message my semi-boyfriend from the summer requesting sex or talk to someone that knew me when I’ve felt lonely, I’ve managed to mostly refrain.
But new problems arise with new guys. The latest trend you ask? Well. Suddenly guys don’t even know what they want. Suddenly they seem very interested in building foundations, really getting to know me, opening up, making me feel like we may have a real connection and then choosing to take it all away, because, get this:
They don’t know what they want.
I’m sorry, but I just can’t do the uncertainty any more. It’s not fun. I don’t like it. And simply put, I really just can’t be arsed.
Whomever made dating, sex and love in to a game needs to be held accountable; because the pain of feeling like you’ve met someone you connect with, getting to know them (both their minds and intimately) very quickly, talking all the time, messaging every day, telling each other your life stories, and then them deciding that they aren’t even sure if they want to be dating at all.
That’s not a game, that’s a Trojan horse built for a surprise attack that they’ve definitely known was going to happen at some point along the relationship’s timeline.
What part of this behaviour tells me that you might not be interested in anything remotely long term? Oh you know what, you’re right, NONE OF IT.
I hope these immature men eventually learn, because if they keep letting real sparks slip through their fingers, they’re never going to find anything worth sticking by in the long run.
At this point I just don’t think that laziness is an excuse. If you like someone you make time for them. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be with these guys, but I can’t help but think that the world has brain washed men to think that they can have everything, that the grass is always greener and that they can always trade up. They can’t and it isn’t. And by thinking that, they’re missing the potential that’s right in front of them.
I think that one of the biggest issues for me is that in this life we don’t meet that many people that we have a true affinity with and these things aren’t always instant. So when I do meet a guy who I get on incredibly well with, who I have endless things to talk about with, similar taste in music and actual chemistry, how is he unable to see this? Does he think that just because he’s been in a relationship until recently that this kind of thing comes along everyday?
Well it doesn’t.
Getting back to the crux of my point:
MEN: Why are you on a dating app if you aren’t sure about what you want?
And if it is the case that you don’t really know your own mind, then maybe be upfront about that? Maybe you could to other person a favour and let them know that you’re just testing the water.
And definitely, definitely, do not, under any circumstances, add me on Facebook, follow me on Instagram, Depop, Twitter, whatever takes your fancy, until you know that you might actually want to stay in touch afterwards. We’re not 15 anymore. There isn’t a competition for Facebook friends. It’s unnecessary and it means you’ll just have to look at my hotness for months after you’ve made the mistake of dropping me like a piece of shit.
Please, for the love of God, just take some damn responsibility for your actions.
Think things through.
Be an adult.
(I’m trying really hard to not say ‘Be a man’ right now)
Who knows, maybe if you were upfront with me, I might agree to a casual relationship initially, without the pressures of a forced future. Instead it’s like guys think the only way in to my pants is to pretend that they see a future there, that they want the opportunity to move forward with me. Mate. Seriously? Have these guys thought that girls actually like sex?
I can do casual. I’ve done it before and I’ll most likely do it again.
What I can’t do is a surprise attack in which I’m led to believe that these boys want more from me, a relationship, a chance at a future; and then they take it all away. I am not a part of this decision. Suddenly, after they’ve enjoyed the main event and waited a couple of days to let the metaphorical dust settle, the wooden horse opens and they pull the rug of hope and joy out from underneath my unsuspecting feet.
Timing is everything, and you waited until it was just right for you. Unwritten promises are cruel, but making me look at your Instagram and shitty drawings of Oasis everyday is even crueller when you’re just going to ditch me after you get your rocks off.
Don’t worry about me though.
I don’t regret that we had sex, I just regret that you conned me in to it.