A VERY HAPPY 2018 TO ALL!
(Yeah, I know, I’m well behind on the whole “New Year, New Me” thing)
I’ve been thinking though: Resolutions are just a bit shit aren’t they?
Suddenly January arrives and all we want to do is strive to be better people, lose that bit of Christmas weight, perhaps even take up a new hobby or join a gym. But realistically we never stick to these choices, these vows of health and happiness. Looking back, I would say that it usually takes me less than a month to forgo the promises I made to myself. My self-control is pretty terrible – if I want to eat the chocolate or kiss the bad boy then goddammit I will!
And though I may give in sooner than most, the likelihood of a New Years Resolution sticking is low to say the least. As winter gets closer we gorge and forget all of the healthy lifestyle choices we may have made in the early months of the year, choosing to replace them with potentially (very) poor choices. I’m not just talking about the food and the drink and the extreme lack of exercise (other than Christmas shopping). No, I’m referring to the lonely choices that a single girl makes in the final months of any year. This is the most likely time for us to make those errors in judgment that we may prove to regret well in to the first few months of the new year.
If you’ve read my guide to The Single Girl’s Christmas then you know that when it comes to December and the holiday months, the copious amounts of alcohol may (definitely) end up leading to a few spur of the moment decisions that can result in a sort of New Year’s remorse. Flirting with guys that we maybe shouldn’t have, kissing a few too many frogs under the mistletoe (only to discover that not one of them has turned in to a prince) and perhaps even a lone one night stand, which, as of last new year’s resolutions, we were NOT supposed to be doing.
In 2017 I spent of lot of time trying to figure out what was best for me. Should I stay in my job? Should I attempt to make things work with certain guys? Should I have that 3rd tequila shot? I could be telling you all that this year I choose to be reformed. That I want a better, brighter, more positive version of myself. But honestly the truth is that 2017 felt like two years to me. The first year, where I let all the bad stuff affect me, where I felt unwanted, unloved and under appreciated to the point that it started affecting my physical health, was just plain bad. I felt like I was drowning in a sea that my contemporaries could easily swim in. Brief rest bites from all the shit told me that it shouldn’t be like this.
The second year in 2017 was a breath of fresh air by comparison. I let my job go. I got out of London.
I began to let myself enjoy the little pleasures of life: taking long unplanned walks with my friends, going to the cinema in the middle of the day, drinking a ton of Starbucks iced tea, spend the afternoon reading a book or exploring my city, rediscovering interests that I thought I couldn’t bring myself to do anymore and ultimately starting this blog. This blog. This wonderful place, where all the thoughts that I’ve had flowing through my mind for the last 9 years can finally be spoken in public (anonymously of course, I guess I’m just not quite at that point… yet).
So in the end I realised that my misogynist manager just wasn’t worth it, good sex sometimes just isn’t enough and yes, you should always have the 3rd shot – fuck it, I’m still young.
On that note I think the only resolution I’m really hoping to be able to stick to this time around is:
LEAVE ALL MEN (and general detritus) FROM 2017 IN THE PAST
I want to live for the now and forget all of damn drama. It’s time for me to move on. Easier said than done, I know.
Which leads me to my last point:
Thank you for supporting me on this journey.
I never imagined how much writing like this, telling my stories, would help me realise that I still have so much more to give and experience.
Plus, we’ve hardly scratched the surface of the first 9 years of singledom, I couldn’t possibly go anywhere when it’s getting this exciting.